2019 and beyond...

I recently looked at my comments, clicked on their blog and then started clicking on the blogs she followed. All these blogs last posts were in 2011 or before. I started to skim and realized this was when people would blog for the fun of it. It seems every blog now is a source of income, it's a business now. Kind of sad to me, even though I don't really read blogs anymore.... somewhere along the way I lost my way. I stopped writing so I stopped reading or maybe I stopped writing because I stopped reading. I don't know. It's hard to know. And I wonder how other bloggers last post became their last post... Did their life get busy, did they lose their passion, did they start a new blog with a different direction? I'd love to know... Did you blog back in the day? Do you still blog, if not, why? I will say I am disappointed in myself, maybe if I kept with it full time blogging could be a business for me. Who knows. As I sit here writing this I am realizing man I love th

I've been on the fence of writing this letter since the weekend my childrens'father remarried. The next weekend my kids talked and talked about how great the wedding was and I knew then I had to write it. Even with that it's takens me weeks to find the right words. But alas here it is. I didn’t want to like you, I didn’t want to know anything about you. I was okay with just knowing your name until my kids started talking about you. At that moment I wanted to know everything they knew. And I’m glad I do. I’m so thankful that you proceeded with respect for them. I was thankful you made them feel comfortable in their home. You didn’t invade, you didn’t dominate, you slid into their lives and let the flowers grow naturally. You’ve bonded with them all, from what I hear it’s a precious bond, one to not be broken. I appreciate that so much. So with all that said I say thank you for accepting my children the way you have. They have great respect and love for you. Whether

I started writing this on April 16TH 2019 Yesterday my divorce was final. I didn't expect to walk out of that court divorced, nobody expected it. Somehow we agreed, we both compromised, and walked out two single people instead of a married couple. 23 years and 23 days we were a married couple, and after a forty five minute meeting we were no longer Mr. & Mrs. The emotions I felt I can't explain, I was so overwhelmed. I thought I'd feel something more than I did. I thought I would cry to be honest. All I could do is smile as I called and texted those who I knew would want to hear the news before it hit social media. Today I feel drained, still relieved but drained. I really can't believe I'm divorced, me, divorced.....It's an overwhelming sense of freedom yet am scared as fuck to what my future will bring. My whole adult life I was tied to one person, I was married longer than I wasn't at this point in my life. So now what? Am I supposed to feel differe

Who knew it was such a bitch? Why don't we get this talk from our grandmothers, moms or aunts? I needed the menopause talk way more than I need the period talk. Give me my period back, you can have this menopause shit. First let's talk about the hot flashes! Yes, I knew they were thing but holy fucking hell they are horrible. It's like your body is burning up from the inside out. They start off slow, you have warning that you are about to look like you ran a 5K. The heat slowly intensifies and then BAM you have sweat rolling down your back and you'd give anything to be able to strip your clothes off and stand in front a fan. There is no predicting when they will decide to attack, and usually they do so at the most inconvient moment. Like when you're checking out at the grocery store, or when someone needs to talk to you about something important. So you are stuck in the situation hoping nobody notices your face turning beet red, the sweat beeding up on your forehead

I remember when I'd write about the every day, my kids were little, it was my after bedtime release. I'd sip on my tea or rum, depending on how the day went. That was fifteen years ago, I wish I would have never stopped. I wish I would have continued my first blog, even if I rebranded it as our family grew and changed. I wish I would have published more of my writings while I was going through hell. I tell myself to start again, back in 2019 I started this blog in hopes of telling my story. I quickly decided my side of the story was no longer important. What was important were my kids. So I focused on them, I've always focused on them, that was always my top priority. I will never regret being nothing but their mom for all those years. Even though there is no regret I do wish I had experience to do something more than what I'm doing. Something where I could grow and maybe even have to wear heels and a dress. Not that I don't love, leggings, five dollar t-shirts and

I love to write but I have no confidence. I have so many bullet points in my notes. My mind jumps all over the place. I have this dream of creating words for companies. Writing the descriptoins for landing pages, writing a paragraph describing a product or experience. Most of all I want to write for me again, I want to write words that may help others get through difficult times. Write words that might help someone get lost and forget for a minute. I feel like I need a change in my life once my current job no longer suits me. It's going to be soon because my paycheck just keeps getting smaller and smaller as these kids grow. I have a dream of sitting at a desk in my house and being paid to write. The desk is slightly messy, there are sticky notes with reminders and ideas placed around the monitor. Most likely a day old, half empty coffee cup on top of a self help book I'll never finish. I can see my routine like it's real. I see myself getting up with the sun, taking a walk