Your job as a parent.

I'm writing this from a mom's perspective because well, I'm a mom. But I believe this is important for all parents. I hear horror stories of monster in laws often. I vowed to never be that, ever. I was lucky and my mother in law is the best! She's an ex mother in law now but I still think she is the best mother in law ever. I strive to be just as wonderful for my son and daughter in laws. With that said it's not always easy. When your adult children are in a serious relationship they gain a whole other family, one that becomes important to them. You may not see them every hoilday, you may have to celebrate their birthday on a day that isn't their actual birthday. All of this is okay, it will be okay. We do our best to raise respectful, idependant adults so when they become this we have to respect their decisions. Even if that decisions mean they are going on a birthday weekend trip with their spouses family. This is when I say things you don't want to hear... Your child should be choosing their girlfriend/boyfriend over you. They are building their own little family just as you did. You must respect this, you are no longer number one and you never will be. This is the natural cycle of life. If you don't treat your child's significant other with respect your child loses respect for you, even if you can't recognize it. Fast forward to when they are getting married....it's not, and I repeat, it's not your wedding. If asked for an opinion give it. If not asked, keep your mouth shut. Even if you hate a choice, it's not your wedding. If they need your help they will ask, don't push it upon them. Let them know you are there and if they need anything to ask... that's it. It's that simple. Becoming a grandparent is also so exciting but guess what? That's not your baby....offer to bring a meal, offer to clean the house, offer to run an errand. Offer to help mom but with only what she wants... Don't assume she wants a break from baby or for you to even come visit. Ask mom what she needs/wants, never assume. Don't get your feelings hurt either, I mean you're a grown ass adult, act accordingly. I know it's hard to let go of a piece of your heart but you have to. You have to allow them the freedom to have their own relationship seperate from you, completely seperate. This is when you become more of a friend than a parent. Don't get me wrong, you'll always be their parent but adult children are no longer that five year old that needs his mommy for everything. So let go....and they will never leave. kids3 copy

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