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Friendship...

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These two ladies have had my back for over a decade. I am forever grateful for everything they have done for me and my family. We don't see each other as often as we used to, or as often as we should. I am determined to change that though. This past year has taught me a lot about myself and how I avoided people way too often. So here's to an amazing 2019 and beyond.
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Why did you stay so long?

I get asked this question often, usually by people that have only known me a short time. The answer is simple yet complicated. I stayed for my kids, it's that simple. But is it? I didn't seek divorce because I was afraid. I was afraid that I couldn't do it. I had been a stay at home mom for 18 years, 18 fucking years. That's a long time to put everyone in your life before you. It's a long time where you could have been doing something else, but those kids of mine, they were my number one. I have no regrets staying home and doing everything. Everything from carpool to dinner, to all the cleaning and laundry. Day in and day out I put my needs and wants on the back burner. I made sure everyone had lunches made, dinner every night, clean clothes to wear. It all landed on me and I loved it. I loved it so much I looked the other way, I made excuses. I didn't notice his drinking problem until me moved to Modesto but again, I made excuses for him. Then shortly after t...
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Divorce still sucks....

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I started writing this on April 16TH 2019 Yesterday my divorce was final. I didn't expect to walk out of that court divorced, nobody expected it. Somehow we agreed, we both compromised, and walked out two single people instead of a married couple. 23 years and 23 days we were a married couple, and after a forty five minute meeting we were no longer Mr. & Mrs. The emotions I felt I can't explain, I was so overwhelmed. I thought I'd feel something more than I did. I thought I would cry to be honest. All I could do is smile as I called and texted those who I knew would want to hear the news before it hit social media. Today I feel drained, still relieved but drained. I really can't believe I'm divorced, me, divorced.....It's an overwhelming sense of freedom yet am scared as fuck to what my future will bring. My whole adult life I was tied to one person, I was married longer than I wasn't at this point in my life. So now what? Am I supposed to feel differe...
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