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Friendship...

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These two ladies have had my back for over a decade. I am forever grateful for everything they have done for me and my family. We don't see each other as often as we used to, or as often as we should. I am determined to change that though. This past year has taught me a lot about myself and how I avoided people way too often. So here's to an amazing 2019 and beyond.
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Why did you stay so long?

I get asked this question often, usually by people that have only known me a short time. The answer is simple yet complicated. I stayed for my kids, it's that simple. But is it? I didn't seek divorce because I was afraid. I was afraid that I couldn't do it. I had been a stay at home mom for 18 years, 18 fucking years. That's a long time to put everyone in your life before you. It's a long time where you could have been doing something else, but those kids of mine, they were my number one. I have no regrets staying home and doing everything. Everything from carpool to dinner, to all the cleaning and laundry. Day in and day out I put my needs and wants on the back burner. I made sure everyone had lunches made, dinner every night, clean clothes to wear. It all landed on me and I loved it. I loved it so much I looked the other way, I made excuses. I didn't notice his drinking problem until me moved to Modesto but again, I made excuses for him. Then shortly after t...
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Dreams of writing....

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I love to write but I have no confidence. I have so many bullet points in my notes. My mind jumps all over the place. I have this dream of creating words for companies. Writing the descriptoins for landing pages, writing a paragraph describing a product or experience. Most of all I want to write for me again, I want to write words that may help others get through difficult times. Write words that might help someone get lost and forget for a minute. I feel like I need a change in my life once my current job no longer suits me. It's going to be soon because my paycheck just keeps getting smaller and smaller as these kids grow. I have a dream of sitting at a desk in my house and being paid to write. The desk is slightly messy, there are sticky notes with reminders and ideas placed around the monitor. Most likely a day old, half empty coffee cup on top of a self help book I'll never finish. I can see my routine like it's real. I see myself getting up with the sun, taking a walk...
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