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Why did you stay so long?

I get asked this question often, usually by people that have only known me a short time. The answer is simple yet complicated. I stayed for my kids, it's that simple. But is it? I didn't seek divorce because I was afraid. I was afraid that I couldn't do it. I had been a stay at home mom for 18 years, 18 fucking years. That's a long time to put everyone in your life before you. It's a long time where you could have been doing something else, but those kids of mine, they were my number one. I have no regrets staying home and doing everything. Everything from carpool to dinner, to all the cleaning and laundry. Day in and day out I put my needs and wants on the back burner. I made sure everyone had lunches made, dinner every night, clean clothes to wear. It all landed on me and I loved it. I loved it so much I looked the other way, I made excuses. I didn't notice his drinking problem until me moved to Modesto but again, I made excuses for him. Then shortly after t...
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Can we talk about Menopause?

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Who knew it was such a bitch? Why don't we get this talk from our grandmothers, moms or aunts? I needed the menopause talk way more than I need the period talk. Give me my period back, you can have this menopause shit. First let's talk about the hot flashes! Yes, I knew they were thing but holy fucking hell they are horrible. It's like your body is burning up from the inside out. They start off slow, you have warning that you are about to look like you ran a 5K. The heat slowly intensifies and then BAM you have sweat rolling down your back and you'd give anything to be able to strip your clothes off and stand in front a fan. There is no predicting when they will decide to attack, and usually they do so at the most inconvient moment. Like when you're checking out at the grocery store, or when someone needs to talk to you about something important. So you are stuck in the situation hoping nobody notices your face turning beet red, the sweat beeding up on your forehead...
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Random thoughts at midnight.

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My thoughts are always interesting when I wake up to pee and can't fall back to sleep. I lay there writing inside my head for hours hoping to just fall back to sleep. I promise myself I will remember and write the next day....obviosuly that doesn't happen. Except, except today. Here I am, open laptop, iced coffee, the hum of the baby's noise machine through the monitor. Last night I couldn't get over all the hate in the world, over what? Vaccines, masks and lockdowns...why? What happened to freedom and personal choices? Since when did we go around bragging about our medical history? I share a lot on social media, I'm not always nice about it. I only share in hopes some of my friends will research what I share. I never expect anyone to change their beliefs just off what I post, never. I do have hopes that it will make them curious enough, curious enough to research. I also started thinking about how many times in the last five months some stranger on the internet h...
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