Losing yourself...

It's really hard for me to look back on parts of my life. It's hard to not blame myself and question my actions. The what ifs and the maybes still bounce around in my head every so often. I realize my healing from the abuse isn't going to happen overnight, I'm going to have to learn to love myself again and remove all the negative thoughts from my brain. I am thankful for the friends in my life, new and old. I know I got this but sometimes I feel like a failure, I feel like I've failed my kids, mostly. I do hope that they see this is for the best, it's not ideal, it's not how it was supposed to be, but it is. I am happier, stronger, and I'm feeling more confident as each day passes. I am learning to trust the journey I am on. I am learning to not give a fuck, to be who I am. I don't need to keep my feelings to myself for the sake of anyone. I am learning the truth is powerful and that I don't need to protect anyone. I'm going to let my truth flag fly. And I'm going to fly it fucking high. I'm fighting my way back to me, back to my photography, back to my writing, back to my running and yoga. I'm going to take it all back. I'm going to be the best version of myself. So if you're reading this, I'm coming back, better, stronger, and hopefully for good!
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It's not all going to be pretty, some of this will be hard to read, harder to write. Most of it will be positive and encouraging however. I'm no longer afraid of my truth, I no longer blame myself. That in itself is very powerful.

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